Signs of Healthy Relationships

• Each person in the relationship has a truly separate identity; they each give and receive without losing their separateness.

• Although each person desires the other, each can survive without the other.

• Each person assumes responsibility for his or her own level of happiness and refrains from blaming the other if he or she is unhappy.

• Each is able to talk openly with the other about matters of significance.

• The two people in the relationship are able to have fun and play together; they enjoy doing things with each other. They also allow the other person to have friends and to do things with their friends separate from them.

• Both people respect the other's right to say no to sexual activity.

• The two people are equal in the relationship.

• Each avoids manipulation, exploiting and using the other.

• Each shows some flexibility in role behavior.

• Each avoids assuming an attitude of ownership toward the other.

• They encourage each other to become all that they are capable of becoming.
 

Myths and Misconceptions

Myth: Love hurts
Truth: Love nourishes and protects

Myth: Jealousy is a sign of love
Truth: Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust

Myth: Men hit because they can't control themselves when they get angry
Truth: Everyone can control themselves

Myth: Victims often provoke violence
Truth: Abusers are responsible for their violence

Myth: Violence against teenage girls by their boyfriends is unusual
Truth: One out of eight teenage girls is abused by her boyfriend

Myth: Batterers are crazy, sick people
Truth: Batterers are not mentally ill. They batter to get their way.

Myth: He (an abuser) will change.
Truth: He (an abuser) will not change unless he accepts responsibility and goes for help.

Myth: It's normal for a boy to try to force a girl to have sex.
Truth: Forcing someone else to have sex is a crime. It is not normal behavior.

Myth: Someone has to have the upper-hand in a relationship.
Truth: Relationships based on mutual respect, sharing, and caring are healthy and satisfying.

Warning Signs

• She/he has unexplainable bruises
• She/he is moody, withdrawn or depressed
• She/he's stopped seeing friends or has given up favorite activities
• Her/his boyfriend/girlfriend uses alcohol or drugs
• She/he has fallen behind in school
• She/he is suddenly hostile and secretive
• Her/his boyfriend/girlfriend is possessive and jealous of others, friends and family
• Her/his boyfriend/girlfriend keeps tabs on her/him
• She/he seems afraid of boyfriend/girlfriend and fears breaking up with him/her
 

Facts of Dating Violence

• Violent relationships, according to one study, begin when teens are about 15-years-old and become involved in serious relationships.

• The victims of dating violence are usually young women.

• A survey indicates that attitudes like, "He wouldn't hit me if he didn't love me," frequently operates in violent relationships among teenagers, nearly 50 percent of those responding to this survey equated abuse with love.

• Teenagers who have been abused as children are more likely to become involved in an abusive dating relationship.

• Teenagers in abusive dating relationships rarely seek help. Approximately five percent of teens who were battered by their dating partners called the police.

• Studies show a relationship between rigid identification with traditional sex roles (i.e. men should be strong, aggressive and in control; women should be submissive and dependent) and involvement in a violent relationship.